I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize