So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
