we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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