Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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