can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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