she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
