Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
