3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
