No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
