HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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