ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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