Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
