I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
