You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
