This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
