tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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