For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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