somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
