Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
