Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
