Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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