Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
