Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
