I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
