Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
