Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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