Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
