'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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