Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
