I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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