There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
