I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
