The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
