so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
