I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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