I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
