trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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