How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
