i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
