just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
