drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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