I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
