If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
