I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
