Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish you could order shots online.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's always time for handjobs
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
