We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
