the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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