You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The power of my boobs compel you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
