After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
