The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
