Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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