Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Is it because I queefed?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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