I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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