im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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