if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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