a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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