In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they're like a gay fantastic four
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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