I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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