I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
