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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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