just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
