marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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