they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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