So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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