Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
