Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
