It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
