Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
