She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
