My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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