i think i have two assholes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
