i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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