Yo dont text me then not text me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
