Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
