i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
